Fighting Against the Lead

It happens every year around this time.  Sometimes I see it coming, but I can't stop it. 
The foggy brain and dissociating apathy are bad.  But nothing comes close to the lead.  It feels like my veins are filled with it and everything is pulling me down. 

Caffine helps a little, but mostly it makes my heart race and increases my awareness of the weight.  I can see myself going through the motions.  Talking.  Nodding.  A glimpse of panic when I notice I can't remember what is being said -"am I supposed to be doing something now?"   followed by the realization that I can't even make myself care.    

I know its not going to stay this way.  That's why I get up...most of the time: memories of a better future if I can just make it through.  Right foot. Left foot.  Keep going.  Keep going.  You know it gets better.  Keep going.