Small Change

After seven glorious weeks on the east coast, I am back to the hum-drum life of inner-work and preparation. During my "nunternship" I mostly tried not to think about my return, but the seven long months loomed ahead and haunted the back of my mind. The abundance of opportunities to DO something were a sharp contrast to the quiet, slow pace of the seminary. There were outreach programs to coordinate, food pantries to stock, families to counsel and pray with, campus ministry events to attend, lectures to learn from, advocacy to engage in and so on and so on and so on. The activities were tangible and their worth was obvious.

Then one day, I was sitting in the chapel and I suddenly remembered a story about my mother that she had told me years ago. It seems my grandfather used to give her and her siblings each a nickel for allowance every week. Eventually, he decided that she should get a dime because she was the oldest. Well, my mother cried and cried because the dime was smaller than her sister's nickel. She could not understand that her loving father was trying to give her something more than she'd had before. She wanted a nickel instead. He tried to show her the value, but she could only see its smallness. Because he loved her, he honored her request and did not force the change.

I was overcome by a fear that my childish tempertantrums about the seemingly wasted time of seminary would cause me to miss out on the good things God has in mind for me and I prayed that I could learn to see the value of my smallness and trust that my Heavenly Father gives me what is good even though I may not understand the value.